I called my mentor two nights ago
(Tuesday, September 10th). I was stressed and so I asked him earlier
in the day if he had some time to talk later. I love life, but
sometimes it gets the better of me. But Tuesday was its own special
brand of stress. A weekend of fun / procrastination had put me in a
frantic frensy of academic masechism. God's love and grace were not
on my mind. All I saw was the disorder that I had allowed to consume
my schoolwork, my responsibilities, and my relationships. So I was
literally having mini panic attacks at my desk, just freaking out. I
got to night class. Everything worked out “ok”. So I called up
Uncle Paul. He's not really my uncle but you know, whatever,
anyways, I hit him up. He was whispering or something, he said his
wife is sleeping. I told him about the recent complications in my
love life and the problems with my walk with God.
Paul was my passage leader two years
ago. I didn't see much of him freshman year, but I crashed with him
in the city this January and that's when we started out mentor
relationship. I feel like I get so much more out of it than he does.
He listens to my worries, my plans, my failures and the desires of
my heart and he helps me with my relationships and spurs me on to a
more faithful walk with God. He has such a loving heart from God to
just pour into my life the way he does. God has richly blessed me
with his friendship.
Tuesday night I tried to listen to
Paul, but I could barely hear him. His wife had to get up early for
work so he couldn't be too loud. I missed a word or two in each
sentence. But he was patient enough to repeat things. He didn't
preach at me, he never does. He helped me express myself better and
I verbally processed what was going on. He guided me to the fact
that God is present in the day to day process and that I need to
recognise Him. Paul told me he had to get to bed but he'd follow up
soon. His encouragement was pretty good, it was hard not being able
to hear him. But God used Paul to get me to recognise my weakness
and how much I need God. I had walked out into the Wheaton
neighborhood so I walked back just saying, “God, you can help me,
please help me”. I pleaded over and over, I was earnestly seeking
Him. It wasn't some epic line Paul threw me, but his small
interaction with me that night changed my whole orientation. I felt
free from my desires for perfection and self sufficiency and I felt
God's grace comfort my soul. I know that sounds lame and bogus. But
God was there, and I felt awesome.
My Wednesday had a whole different
vibe than my Tuesday, because I had a clearer “why” for my day.
It was a day to glorify the loving God. It was not a day to strive
for perfection and hate myself for coming up short. I want seek
first “Christ and His Kingdom” in life and business. The way
things stand, I don't and I won't. But I'm asking God to change my
heart. Old Uncle Paul helped me get there just with a short phone
call. Praise God.
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